Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Union Street Guest House pulls a Kleargear

Built by the Rockefellers and the Vanderbilts, you’d think Union Street Guest House in Hudson, NY would be a bastion of fine service, serving strawberries and champagne dipped in gold and aristocracy as check-in treats. But this “vintage” joint prides themselves on snark, according to the New York Post. As part of their "About Us" page, Union Street stated guests will pay if the hotel doesn’t like their user reviews:
“Please know that despite the fact that wedding couples love Hudson and our inn, your friends and families may not,” reads an online policy. “If you have booked the inn for a wedding or other type of event . . . and given us a deposit of any kind . . . there will be a $500 fine that will be deducted from your deposit for every negative review . . . placed on any internet site by anyone in your party.”
Social media exploded after the matter was reported. Suddenly all manner of interesting reviews hit the mainstream.

“My girlfriend and I stayed here over the weekend. They limited us to one poop per day or we were to be charged an “Excess Waste Fee” of $200. Had to put a cork in my ass just to save ourselves a couple Benjamins. Never, ever, again.”

“Everything about this hotel was great. Although, I forgot to give the bellhop a tip so they charged me $200. The staff was nice and polite and its a wonderful area.. but they did charge me $150 for wearing my sandals with socks, which I COMPLETELY understand. I was rushing and figured it wasn’t a big deal. Come to think of it I was charged for a lot of extras—Ordering movies from my room. $15—Food service. $25—Being left handed. $300—Speaking when not spoken to. $450—Having a sensible chuckle. $150 and because I have a long name they charged me an extra $600 ‘cause it took them longer to input my name into the computer. Above all great hotel/service!”

“I thought this would be the perfect hotel for me, since I recently caught Ebola while vacationing in Africa. Hospital quarantine was not an option as Obamacare won’t cover my expenses. So with the entire world mad at the Union Street Guest House for the $500 charge for bad reviews, I figured, this would be a cheap virtual quarantine option. Check-in was fine, even though I got strange looks for my head-to-toe thick plastic ensemble. However, the menu they presented me with charges for unruly behavior (sneezing after 3pm, wearing loafers in the lobby, etc.) really scared me! So I’m still here in my hotel room, crouched in the fetal position, just hoping I don’t break any of the rules. Minus one star because the place smells like socks. Will never stay here again unless I contact another infectious disease and require discounted quarantine.”

“Went to sleep here with two testicles. Woke up. They gone. This place sucks.”

“I drove by the place once and they charged me $500 for not stopping. The next time, I stopped, and they charged me $1000 for breathing their air!”

“First, the bedbugs. Then, the unknown gooey substance that covered the bedding. Screeching crack whores and gunfire kept me awake all night. The tip of my nose was gnawed off by a rat. To top it all off, I caught gonnorrhea from the toilet seat. It only got worse from there.”

“The thing I really like about the Union Street guest house are the hookers...”
Chris Wagoner, owner of the Union Street Guest House, posted to the hotel’s Facebook page explaining the policy was “originally intended as a joke” and something he never told employees to enforce.

Irrespective of Mr. Wagoner's sudden change of tune, several people have reported being chased for the dough before the issue was made public. Will the William Franklin Bermenders of the world EVER learn?